Before telling your child: a Christmas decision card for two homes

Christmas arrangements may already be settled when someone suggests changing what a child will hear about presents, a visit or a delay. The suggestion is not an agreement. A short card can help adults check one proposed sentence before either presents it as settled.

This voluntary aid is for adults who can safely coordinate across two homes. It is not a child arrangements plan, proof of consent, or advice about a court order. If contact is unsafe or restricted, use the communication route already established for your circumstances. Do not use the card to pressure a reply.

Choose one message

Write the exact sentence the child might hear, such as “We will open the presents after breakfast.” “Christmas plans” is too vague. Use “Adult A” and “Adult B” on a shareable copy instead of names. Identify who proposes this particular change and whose confirmation is needed. The labels do not determine legal authority. If that authority is unclear, or an arrangement limits changes, keep the status open and use the appropriate process.

Check the words, then the status

Mark open while the sentence is only proposed. Mark confirmed only after the relevant adult clearly agrees to the exact final words through a suitable adult-to-adult route. Sending a message, receiving no reply, or hearing the child's account does not confirm it. Check again if the wording changes. Record where the words were shared without copying private messages onto the card. If confirmation is not safely possible, leave it open and do not describe the change to the child as agreed.

Fictional example

One adult proposes: “Let's say the presents will be opened after breakfast.” The other has not confirmed it. The status stays open; the final-wording field stays blank. Neither adult asks the child to carry the question between homes or promises the new timing. This does not decide where the child spends Christmas or replace an existing arrangement.

Use the card

Open the print-friendly decision card. Use a fresh copy for each choice and keep completed copies private. Its fields are: Christmas choice or message; adult proposing the change; adult whose confirmation is needed; open or confirmed; where final wording was shared; next check if open. Before speaking to your child, compare the exact confirmed words. If the decision remains open, say only what is known.

Guidance and limits

Child-focused guidance encourages adults to handle arrangements without using children as messengers. Guidance on planning also distinguishes suggestions from agreed decisions. This card is an untested practical suggestion, not evidence of an outcome. Follow any court order, safety restriction or formal arrangement and seek appropriate local advice when needed. Canadian guidance below is not a UK legal rule; the UK source describes a voluntary plan and notes the distinct role of court orders.