Before telling your child: a Christmas decision card for two homes

A Christmas plan may be settled while the words you will use with a child are still changing. One adult might suggest a different gift time or a new explanation for a visit. A suggestion alone is not a shared message. This card gives adults one small choice to check before either speaks to the child.

It is a voluntary communication aid for adults who can safely coordinate across two homes. It is not a parenting plan, legal consent, or advice about parenting orders. If contact is unsafe, restricted or impractical, use an appropriate existing communication route; do not pressure someone to respond through the card.

Write one clear sentence

Write the exact choice or message, for example, “We will open the gifts after breakfast.” Avoid broad labels like “Christmas plans.” On a copy that could be shared, leave out the child's name and private details. Call the participants “Adult A” and “Adult B” and identify the proposer and the person whose confirmation is needed for this message. These labels do not decide legal authority. If authority is uncertain or an arrangement limits changes, leave the choice open and use the established process.

Do not mistake a proposal for agreement

Mark open while the choice is proposed. Mark confirmed only when the relevant adult clearly agrees to the exact final wording through a suitable adult-to-adult channel. A sent message, silence, or a child's report is not confirmation. Recheck wording that changes later. Note the communication route, such as “agreed email thread”, without copying the exchange. If confirmation cannot be obtained safely, do not present the new choice as settled.

Fictional gift example

One adult proposes: “Let's say the gifts will be opened after breakfast.” The other has not agreed to that sentence. The status is open, and the field for where the final wording was shared is blank. Neither tells the child that the new time is agreed or asks the child to carry a question between homes. The card does not settle where the child will be, how gifts travel or what an existing plan says.

Print one card per choice

Open the print-friendly decision card. It records the choice or message, proposing adult, confirming adult, status, where final wording was shared, and next check if open. Keep completed cards private. Before talking with the child, read back the exact words that were confirmed. If they are still open, say only what is known.

Guidance and limits

Justice Canada's parenting plan checklist covers decisions, communication, holidays and changes, while child-focused guidance supports adult communication without making children messengers. This card is a proposed aid; its benefit has not been measured. It may not suit every family. Follow any court order, safety measure or other formal arrangement, and seek local advice where needed. The UK source below describes its own system, not a Canadian legal rule.